


The silence within insecurities

by Toast_from_the_morning



Series: My Video Blogging RPF fics [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Awkwardness, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Face Reveal, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I keep sinning, Insecurities, Internal Conflict, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Teasing, fake flirting turned real flirting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27693017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toast_from_the_morning/pseuds/Toast_from_the_morning
Summary: “She didn't question and ask you why you have a boyfriend now?” George asked genuinely.“No, She knows you're kidding.” Dream laughed. George could swear he heard a hint of awkwardness behind his laugh but continued.“She sent me a photo of you,” George said casually waiting for a reaction.There was a lull of silence, “You're lying.” Dream accused.Dream has insecurities. Insecurities he was very good at hiding, about his sexuality, about how he thought of himself. And every day his paranoia chipped away at his confidence little by little, and he prayed it wasn't enough for his fans to notice.But a literal small British man, in a blue sweater. Over discord calls and a simple trip to Florida. Somehow managed to break down Dreams walls. And what followed suit would change everything.Teen and Up for mild language
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound
Series: My Video Blogging RPF fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139249
Comments: 10
Kudos: 284





	The silence within insecurities

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: I DO NOT ship real people.**  
>  I'm using there personas but applying them to real life (I'm aware that's kinda sus)  
> I'm also not trying to forcing them into a relationship by and means and if either men change there minds on views of fan fiction and or shipping I will stop immediately.
> 
> I wrote almost all of this in a literal day, It's taken me all day but it's been done.
> 
> I keep sinning ;-;

George had somehow gotten ahold of Dream’s mom’s phone number, He texted her silly and stupid things over the stream with the encouragement of his friends and chat. Near the end of the stream, Dream had called him screaming “GEORGE!!” Before hanging up, which only encouraged them further. But after he finished talking to Dream's mom he called Dream. 

They laughed over the event, but there was a subtle form of tension neither pointed out, and chat didn't seem to notice. 

“She didn't question and ask you why you have a boyfriend now?” George asked genuinely.

“No, She knows you're kidding.” Dream laughed. George could swear he heard a hint of awkwardness behind his laugh but continued.

“She sent me a photo of you,” George said casually waiting for a reaction.

There was a lull of silence, “You're lying.” Dream accused.

“No, I'm serious.”

“That's so random, you're lying.”

“Wait what do you mean that's so random?”

“Why would she just randomly send you a photo of me?”

“No, I asked her.”

“What you just said send me a photo of him?”

“Yes,”

“You're an idiot, you're lying.”

“And she sent it to me… do you wanna see it do you not believe me?”

“I don't believe you.”

“I'll send you the photo.”

“Ok, go for it.”

A moment of silence passed as the photo sent, Dream suddenly wheezed hard breaking off into that cackle everyone loved at the end. “That's a baby photo, I thought you were talking about a recent photo.”

Geroge laughed in return. “Can I s- He hung up” George said a little disappointed.

Dream hung up, he let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding before dropping his head into his desk. Dream turned over what Geroge had said to him in his head. ‘She did question and ask you why you have a boyfriend now?’

“FUck” Dream breathed. That was kinda close. His family knew he was bi, he was lucky his mom remembered he wasn't out… to the _world_ yet. Or at least his mom didn't accidentally do it if she didn't remember. Dream was definitely not ready for that. He had been telling his fans since the beginning that he was straight, he told his friends too. He was scared of people's reactions. Yes, he knew his fans would be nothing but supportive but he didn't want to become “That guy who wasn't straight” on the internet. He didn't want to be his defining personality trait to fans like it had become for so many other YouTubers and streamers. 

And why hadn't he told his friends? It just never came up when they were just talking. Dream was… ok, barely. With the idea of telling his friends, but the topic only came up over streams. And they never asked again, because Dream was a good liar.

And he hoped his skills of hiding things would also shine through this stream. He hoped the viewers couldn't hear his breath hitch when George said he had a picture of Dream. And he hoped the silence before he could even form the words to respond wasn't too long. Because shit, that made him nervous. He wasn't ready for that either. 

Dream always had some issues when it came to face, it wasn't a huge deal, or all-consuming. He didn't have facial dysmorphia. It just made him nervous, unreasonably nervous. He wanted to live up to people's expectations, and he prayed he looked like a normal guy. But Subconsciously he knew his confidence was deteriorating just a little bit every day. And one day just about a month ago, Dream thought to himself, “Shit, I'm ugly aren't I?”

About a week had passed, and things moved on. Fans laughed at the little compilation of boys being idiots, but nothing else seemed to happen. The Dream Team had just finished recording another video. Sapnap left the call before either of them, leaving Geroge and Dream alone. 

“Hey, uh Dream?”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to apologize….”

“What for? What did you do?” Dream laughed. 

“I mean, for texting your mom all that stuff.”

“Oh.”

An awkward silence passed between them. “I just feel like I overstepped my boundaries and-”

“It's fine.” Dream cut in. “That was like what a week ago? It doesn't matter anymore.” George could hear the shrug in Dream's voice.

“I can tell it's not.”

More Searing awkward silence. 

“And I'm sorry, I'm not asking for forgiveness. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.”

“Its-”

“If you say it's fine one more time Dream!” George laughed angrily.

Dream laughed too trying to relive the tension.

“Ok, I accept your apology.”

“You do?” George pipped up hope prevalent in his voice.

“Yeah I do- just…” more Searing awkward silence. God Dream hatted this, George wasn't letting him just shrug it off and plaster fake confidence into his voice. “Just maybe don't do it on stream again…” Dream trailed off.

“Ok,” George said, nodding like he was a kid being scolded.

“But don't worry about it too much Georgey.” Dream forced the playfulness into his voice. “Talk to you later ok.”

“Ok,” George smiled, ending the call. 

Dream sighed banging his head into his desk again. “FUCK.” Why did that stress him out so much? George was literally his best friend. It didn't matter, he could have told him if he asked why. He thought at least. And why were the butterflies in his stomach so strong. 

Two weeks passed. And man they were rough. Dream and George did their usual, they streamed, they recorded. With Sapnap or with Bad. Sometimes just themselves. They did their usual fake flirting and banter laughing the whole time. But in the middle of recording after making some sly comment to Goerge which caused him to laugh, the question hit Dream so hard and fast he lost his ability to retort when George quipped back. ‘When did this become real?’

Dream layed in bed that night, his thoughts running a million miles a minute. “When did this become real?” Dream breathed. “When did I actually start flirting with him?” Dream shoved his face into his pillow and sighed. “When did these butterflies become something?” he mumbled sadly to himself. 

Dream spent the rest of the night agonizing. He couldn't be in ‘love’ with his best friend. Shit, he couldn't even like him. For multiple reasons.  
1) George was straight. That's what he told him, that's what he told his fans, that's what he told his friends, that's what he told Dream. ~~But that's also what Dream told George. And Dream was lying.~~  
2)Dream knew it would be unrequited. Dream and George were friends and always have been. And always will be.  
3)Dream knew eventually he would do something stupid. Something would slip, and the fans would notice, and shit would hit the fan.

“Fuck” Dream muttered hugging his pillow tighter burying his face into it.

A third week passed, and Dream and George were recording yet another ridiculous Minecraft challenge video. They were chatting about nonsense as they farmed materials.

“You're almost at 15mill Dream,” George said.

“Almost? I barely just hit 13 mill” Dream laughed.

“Are you going to do a face reveal?” George teased.

“No,” Dream said flatly without hesitation.

“Oh,” George said a little put off.

‘Shit’ Dream thought ‘I should have said maybe with some forced laugh or something.’

“Why not? Afraid your ugly?” George teased jokingly purposely sounding like some school kid on the playground. 

But Dream didn't laugh or make some quip. His little yellow Minecraft character stopped completely. A thick silence spread between them, something that was happening more frequently Geoge noticed. 

“Wait,” George continued to run his mouth. “Do you actually think you're ugly?” He asked, no joke, no laughter in his voice. 

Dream didn't reply. He couldn't. The thoughts of self-doubt had been like a weight on his chest that just kept getting heavier and heavier, and Dream knew it was stupid. He knew he looked _average._ He thought he would never tell anyone his stupid little issue, but here he was speechless in front of his best friend, after a playful comment. 

“Dream?” George asked quietly. 

“Uh, hey I found a cave-” 

“Dream.” George cut him off. “What's wrong?” 

More silence. As he couldn't form the words, his hands were shaking. Shit. 

“I mean you don't have to tell me, but just. Is everything ok?” George spoke quietly but so sincerely. 

“Fuck.” Dream spat out. “Fuck, I- I don't know” He whispered. George had stopped playing too. Waiting, hoping, for Dream to continue. But respecting him if he didn't.

“I- I-” Dream stuttered. He placed his head in his hands. This wasn't cool nor confident. “I- I don't know.” Dream could feel his throat closing up. His anxiety about his face, how he looked, had grown out of proportion within the last few months. And yet he hadn't told a single soul. He wasn't planning to either, he was going to resolve it on his own somehow and laugh about it in the future. 

“Dream, its- it's ok you don't have to-”

“-No.” Dream cut him off, “I- I want to tell you. Just give me a sec, I- I my hands won't stop shaking.” He admitted. 

George waited, breaking tree’s trying to quell his anxieties. When Dream laughed hysterically. “God this is so stupid.” He said between laughs. “I'm having an anxiety attack.”

“Dream, it's not stupid.” George muttered, “It's ok.”

At that Dream finally felt a tear slide down his face. “Sorry-”

“Don't apologize... please.”

“Yes.” Was all Dream said.

“Yes… what?” George pried not understanding.

“Yes, I think I'm ugly.” Dream whispered so quietly George almost missed it. And he swore he could hear a quiet cry follow suit. 

“S- sorry.” Dream started to speak fast, his words running together “It's just I've been thinking this for so long now, at first my face reveal was about privacy, then I felt all these expectations. All these people were speculating what I looked like, that I looked hot, then it was ugly because I still wasn't doing a face reveal then, and fuck- for months now I've been thinking, going over my appearance, going over what I looked like. And shit-” He was spiraling, throwing up all his pent up emotions out at once. 

“Dream” George cut him off. “Dream I-” George was lost for words. He had never heard Dream so upset before, he had never heard anxiety in his voice that wasn't about a game, he had never heard him cry. So George said the only thing he could think of. 

“It's going to be ok…... I know it doesn't seem like it. And that sounds really shallow. But it will be ok. I promise in the end in some shitty way it's always ok.”

Dream paused before crying. Truly crying. George stayed quiet listening to Dream, his whole body aching because he wanted to do nothing more than hug Dream, and run his hand through his hair, and whisper whatever shitty words of guidance he could think of to him. 

A week passed. George was streaming with Dream and Bad when George read a donation out loud.

“Hey George, I love your content so much! Just if you don't mind me asking, I know it's a personal subject but what is your sexuality?” He said in a little announcer voice. 

George hesitated, then responded. “Uh, I've answered that question before. I said I was straight… but I lately…” George said carefully. “I dunno, I've been uh questioning I guess you could say.”

A silence filled the Discord call. “Really?” asked Dream. Praying his voice didn't sound hopeful, more like a friend, just asking a friend.

“Ye” George responded. “But! Like I said this doesn't mean anything, I'm just thinking about it.”

“And please have a respectful chat,” Bad added. “But hey good for you! I know some people have told me in chat that they are too scared to even wonder, so good for you and telling the stream and everything.” Bad said encouragingly. Dream could almost hear the :3 in his voice. 

The rest of the stream came and went. Dream found himself lying in bed again, butterflies swirling through his entire body. “He said he’s questioning!” Dream said excitedly. But quickly shoved the selfish thoughts away. ‘He's questioning not that he’s actually into guys, and shit that could mean anything, not just his preference. And in the end, he could turn out straight.’ Dream thought to himself. This isn't about him, he needed to be supportive of whatever decision George came too. Dream sighed shoving his head into his pillow again. George wasn't making this any easier. 

Two more weeks had passed. Dream, George, and Sapnap had just finished Streaming them practicing trying to get the 1.16.2 world record, as per usual. When Sapnap started to talk about dating apps.

“Wait, wait, wait, you're on dating apps?” George asked with a snicker.

“Yeah,” Sap said casually, “Anyway as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. On uh, whatever it's called, I can't remember because I deleted it. But I keep getting messages from guys.” Sap laughed. 

“Well, that's probably because you said you're into guys on the app Sap.” Dream wheezed.

“No, I said I was straight, I swear. I checked, multiple times. But dudes just keep messaging me!” 

George laughed. “Yeah right.” 

“I did!” Sapnap said defensively. 

“Oh if only I had that problem.” Dream hummed. Before growing deathly quiet. 

Neither of the other boys laughed. “Wait-” Sapnap said, “Are you gay?” He asked, half-joking.

“No,” Dream laughed seemingly genuine. “It was joke guys-”

“I dunno, you seemed pretty legit when you said it.” George pushed jokingly. 

“Oh yeah, Mr.I'm questioning my sexuality.” Dream said pointedly.

A silence fell between the three of them. George had told Dream once during the stream two weeks ago and that he rather not talk about it or get messages from fans. 

“S-sorry that was uncalled for.” 

“Yeah” George muttered, kind of annoyed. 

More silence gripped the conversion between the three of them.

“Soo” Sapnap started trying to draw the conversation out of its awkwardness. “Are you on any dating apps Dream?”

“No,” Dream sighed. “Still single as can be” He joked. 

They all forcibly chuckled, “Yeah I didn't really get a lot of messages-”

“Wait, you are on a dating app?” George said cheekily. 

“No, I used to be, like a year ago, didn't really get any messages at all, no one was really interested” He jokingly pouted, “most people just wanted hookups.” Dream laughed.

“I get a lot of one-night stand inquiries too,” Sap added. 

“Yeah right,” Dream laughed. “Inquires”

“Well, I obviously get more than you.” Sap quipped back like he was in middle school.

“Anything ever come out of the app?” George asked.

“Eh, just a short relationship. Didn't last too long.” Dream answered.

“Why, what did you do, Dream?” Sap laughed.

“Nothing!” Dream laughed also “I swear it was all his fault, he was a total dick and-” Dream stopped talking. 

So did George and Sapnap. “He?” Sap questioned.

“No- I meant- .” Dream struggled to talk. “Fuck” Dream muttered, embarrassed. 

“Dude, it's ok,” Sapnap said, genuinely. 

“Yeah, I mean. Yeah, dude.” George added on.

“I…” Dream started. “I wasn't expecting to come out this way” He laughed nervously.

George and Sap laughed too. 

“So, just to be clear, you're not straight?” Sap asked. “I mean- I'm only asking because you've said you were before.”

“Yeah” Dream sighed. “I… I'm bi…. I'm sorry for lying to guys, it's just. I didn't want to be that guy on the internet who wasn't straight you know? I wanted to become famous or whatever for I dunno…. Being me?” Dream laughed again. “God that's so corny.”

“No it's not dude, I get it. I mean look at like other YouTubers and shit, when you hear some names you immediately go ‘oh the gay guy’ or whatever.” Sap backed him up. 

“Yeah.” George added on, “I mean, we never talked about it when we weren't streaming. And stuff. And just because I talked about it on stream doesn't mean you have to.”

“Thanks, guys.” Dream smiled. 

George yawned. “It's 12 over here, I should really get to bed.”

“Yeah, I got a lot of editing to do.” Dream added on.

“I guess I should do my homework.” Sap sighed. 

“Ok, Goodnight guys.”

“Good night”

“Good nighttt”

[The call has ended] 

A whole month passed. And The little crush Dream had on George blossomed out of control, Especially after Geroge told him he was questioning on stream, and then Dream outing himself to him and Sap. Dream didn't know why it had become such an all-consuming feeling. Maybe because he thought his feelings didn't feel so silly anymore maybe because he thought ‘I might have a chance.’ It didn't help that they were spending more time together over discord calls not just during streams or recordings, George found himself staying awake into late hours of the night. And Dream staying up all night just to call George when he woke up. But brushing it off as he was having trouble sleeping lately. 

And it was another one of those mornings for George, him and Dream talking over discord. It was 4 am for Dream, and 10 am for George. Dream had been messaging all night.

 **DREAM UwU:**  
_‘I'm borrredddd’ 7:30 am  
‘Wake up already, when you're up wanna vc? 8:42 am  
‘}:(‘ 9:15 am  
‘:p’ 9:17 am  
‘:(‘ 9:30 am  
‘.3.’ 10:02 am_

**George :):**  
_‘I just woke up, we can vc’ 10:03 am_

“Hey,” George mumbled, still half asleep. Propping this phone up on his pillow. He was still laying in bed.

“Hey”

“Why’d you want to call?” George said, rubbing his eyes.

“I dunno, nothing much. Just bored out of my mind. I can't sleep tonight.”

“Em, why not?”

Dream hesitated. “I dunno.”

George looked at the camera and Dreams little Discord icon half questioningly, half asleep. 

A comfortable silence filled the space.

“I've been thinking…. I want to show you my face.”

George’s eyebrows raised. He suddenly didn't feel so tired. “Wh- what?”

“I want to show you my face.” Dream reiterated. Fake confidence in his tone.

George propped his head up with one elbow. “Are you sure?” He asked. They talked about Dreams face or face reveal exactly twice since that day. Dream chatting about his anxieties, and George trying to be helpful in any way he could. Reassuring him, mainly just listening.

“Yeah.” Dream breathed. 

There was a long pause before George saw Dream's icon and little square go black a loading circle popping up. Then Dreams faced appeared. He too was lying in bed, camera close to his face. Dream had sandy blond hair that was fluffy and sticking up in funny directions from rolling around in his bed all night. He looked like an all-around normal guy. He had a cute little nose, and perfect eyes, and- 

“Your um staring George.” Dream said uncomfortably looking away.

“S- Sorry” George snapped his head away.

“You're just beautiful.” George could barely breathe. Then slapped his hand over his mouth. “I'm- I'm so sorry. I- I didn't mean it like that, I mean you look good but not necessarily beautiful-”

“You're beautiful to George.”

George stopped talking and just stared at Dream, who started back. And for the millionth agonizing time, silence.

“Sorry, I- shouldn't have said that.” Dream put a hand over his eyes.

“No, no, no it's ok,” George said frantically. 

They made eye contact and laughed. And then didn't talk about it for the rest of the call. Dream changing the subject. They talked for hours and hours until Dream fell asleep mid-call listening to George tell a story, and when he woke he found himself in the exact same position. Still staring at his now black phone screen. Butterflies instantly filling his stomach.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I DON'T SHIP REAL PEOPLE  
> I'm using there personas but applying them to real life (I'm aware that's kinda sus)  
> I'm also not trying to forcing them into a relationship by and means and if either men change there minds on views of fan fiction and or shipping I will stop immediately
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!!  
> Feel free to comment!!!!!!!
> 
> SIN WITH MEEEE!!!!


End file.
